
Throughout this journey with my mom I have grown to know my mom in a different and more intimate way than I ever have. I have grown to love my mom so much because of this time we've been spending with each other. Don't get me wrong, there are certainly times where I lose my patience but there are so many more positive experiences. My heart goes out to her and this is really where my commitment to her healing comes from. This is not the end of her story at all.
I came across the photograph above through a series of photos from the Hawaiian organization that my parents were members of when my sister and I were growing up, the Hui o Hawaii of San Diego. I wasn't aware this photo existed until recently, and I was so overjoyed to see this because it is the perfect representation of my mom's spirit. She must be free! She thrives on freedom and the ability to do whatever she wants. Hence the rub...ha! Our daily protocol requires mom to do things she doesn't really want to do; qigong, senior chair exercises, take a shower. It also requires that she does NOT do certain things like eat bananas, or cakes while we're at parties and events.
My mom is fierce, she is a strong-willed person and that makes her who she is and it is also the reason why she has overcome trauma, memory loss, the loss of her husband and other experiences that she has not shared with her children. I have so much respect and love for her and while I am caregiving...I have to remember to respect her as an individual and honor her yearning to be free and to do what she wants. It is certainly a balancing act and a bit of a dance...but I'll be doing this dance as long as I can!